My mom always told me if I can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. If that theory applied to movie reviews, this one would be blank…

Legion was a mess from the opening voice over quote. Insert one dimensional characters, implausible action scenes, simple logic mistakes of what ANYBODY would not do in any horror situation, the stupidity of the Angels, and you have yourself a direct to DVD release.

God has sent his angels to erase mankind of the face of the earth, because in essence, he is tired of them. But wait! There is an unborn child who is not supposed to be born, but if he/she is, humanity has a chance. Michael, the Angel tasked with the destruction of said “chosen one” refuses, removes his wings, and takes up the mantel of defender. Fine, whatever.

Here’s the plan to wipe out humanity… Angels possess the weak humans and use them as vessels to destroy the stronger ones. I’m thinking, why not just have the Angels (as ACTUAL Angels) wipe them out. Seems to be a bit easier, no middle man. Oh yeah, did I mention that since humans are vessels, all the “Angels” have to freakin’ DRIVE to the diner  where the unborn child is. Why not smite the diner, called Paradise Falls,  from on high? Too much imagery example -> Michael arrives on earth at a building that contains an arsenal. Upon leaving, instead of walking out the door, he blasts a hole through the wall that is a perfect cross.

The most glaring plot hole of the entire movie is one of the minions is mere inches away from the belly of the typically unwed mother. Instead of slaughtering her to bring about Armageddon, the old lady simply becomes vulgar and tells the patrons they are all going to die. Talk about a missed opportunity. Yes, the movie have been over at that point and my review would be more favorable.

One thing that MAY have made this movie better is if it did not try to take itself so seriously. A swift kick in the ass from the (attempted) Epic end of the scale to comedy horror (somewhere towards Shaun of the Dead) would have been a major improvement. There were a few witty lines strewn throughout, but in the context of “this is really serious stuff,” they felt awkward and definitely out of place.

Rating: 3 0f 10 (It gets 2 points for being made and distributed, and 1 for production quality)