Yep, that pretty much sums up how I feel about The Five-Year Engagement. Instead of just being critical, I have a way to fix this film. Make it a short. Use the first 15, and the last 10 min, then it would be great. Now I shall get back to the negative.
This was so bad on many fronts, I’m not sure where to start… I think main area of suckiness is that it didn’t know where to go. Tom Solomon (Jason Segel) is a successful sous chef of a San Francisco restaurant. Violet Barnes (Emily Blunt) is a student who gets accepted into a grad program in Michigan. Tom give up a promotion, (that he learns of after he has decided to move with Violet), to be the head chef of the owners new restaurant, The Clambar. As you can infer from the title, the engagement process is not a smooth one, and gets dragged out for, you guessed it, 5 years.
During this time, Tom is unable to be happy. He has given up his dream to follow the woman he loves across the country. His and Violet’s journey is not funny nor interesting. It’s sad and depressing. It seems more like a lesson in not being stupid about giving up the awesome things you have in a desperate hope that a single individual is the one for you.
While in Michigan, the best job Tom is able to find is at a sandwich shop. A large step down from sous chef. As the years go by, he adopts some hobbies including hunting, camping, brewing his own mead, and sweater knitting. During his hunting phase, he dresses everything in the house in carcasses of animals. And grows out lamb chop side burns. Violet has a moment where her professor misreads her signals and goes in for the kiss. This creates more unfunny issues. Jason Segal is also in danger of becoming the male version of Julia Roberts, right behind Hugh Grant.
They ultimately break up and try to proceed. Tom back in San Fran, with Violet staying in Michigan. MORE depression…
Here comes the spoilage, they eventually get together!!! Back to the goodness of this film. The opening is cute, where Tom has an elaborate plan to propose, during which flashbacks are inserted to show how they met at a costume party. Now jump to the end-> Violet has an argument with her sister Suzie (Alison Brie) while they use the voices of Elmo and Cookie Monster. Violet hatches an elaborate plan to propose to Tom. And if he accepts, they will get married right then. He does, they do, and it is truly heartwarming!
Jason, Judd, Nicholas, I expected more. The shock and awww… idea used in previous movies just doesn’t work here. Tom falling asleep in the snow and losing a toe. The aforementioned house covered in carcasses. Violet getting shot with a crossbow. Grandparents dying off before the wedding. Using Alex (Chris Pratt) as the abrasive comedic foil, he’s too abrasive. Oh yeah, forgot to mention he knocks up Suzie early in the movie and they end up married and ultimately ends up a good father and husband. Yet he retains too much abrasiveness to become likable. I’d rather see the characters die in a firey train wreck, then I might have some sympathy.